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Birthday! i dun care a damn now...)
Friday, May 20, 2005
no more celebration or wadever for me then ba...in future... this year bday iz worse than last year... hmmm this year i got him... but it seem to be worse... he just got back from his course foc camp and then he overslept...me thinking tt we can catch a movie...or wad...how good it will be to fetch me after work... hmmm IN MY dreams... i felt mean toking this way but i can't help... then maybe everything lies at me working in the afternoon shift ba...
i tot bday meant to be happy? but for me no... i'm like a water tap today my tears just rolled and rolled...called him after work...then wanna get strudel as cake then i went to crown centre then saw baby butterfly biscuits then so happy and get one pkt for him... then i went to town...iz so cold in hereen then i decided to go nydc to have a cake and at the same time wait for him...today i just want to pamper myself a bit... he reached.... he looked tired... he is... then like sian sian he almost lost his voice... and then he tok a bout his camp... then we tok a bout wad to eat he dun wanna eat there... then i was kinda sad tt he really din get anything for me... hmmmm... not even a sorry or wadever... bad*
then still ok never mind... then he dunnoe wad to eat then we proceed to centre point to get my strudel... then i got half a loaf of apple...... then the lady ask me to get back 10 minutes later... hmmm we went to walk ard then went to cold storage...he like tired also.... hmmm ain't i supposed to be entertained today... as in...haiz.... then nvm he say he hungry le...then we ate at the mac there... then din tok much... hmmmm all the while i was thinking...why izzit like tt...why did it turn out to be like tt... U KNOW WAD...i've waited for u since sunday and then i look forward to thursday so much and i misses u so much... and i din demand much from u... all i wan iz u to ten me more today... but no... we still as usual... same... then i can't feel tt today i'm the bday ger and then in the end we went to cine... then the earliest show iz at 6 kingdom of heaven... then hmmm just watch though i dun really wanna watch tt show... but afterall i can say tt the show iz MAJESTIC...haha cool* then in the cinema was ok... we did smiled and laughed?
btw we saw karin? mel's frend working at cine there... then... when there's moments of silence of on and off i'll just think of tt today iz so pathetic... so sad... iz like wth... why is the day so sian... maybe spending the bady alone will be good? or no celebration at all will be better...
think things will never gonna get better for me... and for him i dunnoe... the vday we spent tog was ok...great... but i din noe this time round ya really disappoint me... maybe it all happen from ystd him not being the first to wich me happy bday... iz like come on i'm ya GF... pls show me some care and concern if u think i dun need tt then sorry... i know u got camp and i got to work,... but i spent all my off days with u.. and y can't u like scarfice ya sleep time and spend time with me... then he says he sux... i dun think so... i think ya just need improvement... now u noe how i spent my day... now iz using tissue in front of the com... SUX*... wad a fucking day man...
wad's the use of asking me how i feel... when when u act know how i feel u dun improve yaself... and instead i have to turn ard and be the one to make u smile... i felt so shity... and i'll only do tt to u... then in the afternoon i was asking if he wanna come my hse eat... i tot ystd was cmf..then he was scared i can understand...then he can say stuff like i c later i tired anot... wtf* i'm very agitated now... tml prayed no one bullies me if not he dies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! just then i realise i only heard bday song from my colleagues... and i received phone calls of bday wishing...and messages from friends... the only hapyy thingy iz my sec sch friends all rem my bday...so touched... and ashamed on myself to forget theirs... I THINK I SUX MOST... think from then on today i won't love myself a bit bit... not worth... no one loves me and so tt's it!!!!!!!!!!
sch starts i shall love the childcare kids... hope nth extra will happen after this i'll so crazy i tell u... act i've always being asking myself am i very demanding... pple say i treat my BFs very well but they all treat me BAD* am i blind... or iz love really blind... or maybe i shld be ALONE* so no hurts no trobs... only when i'm old i'll be alone!!!!!!!
he asked me if i wil wan one whu treat me no good or good... whuever dun appreciate me i wun want...same as when i'm serving a cutomer... u treat me good i'll be polite... u shout at me i REN... but u dun push me too far... i'll turn and even throw the table at U.... SO FUCK OFF PPLE!
now i'm totally disappointed... iz not tt i wanna sound sad... iz like how will u feel when esp u have this special person to celebrate ya bday but after being tog like 9 mths... u dunnoe how to celebrate for him or her... ask yaself... DO U LOVE HER? from the things the person done can see how much he loves u u know... and sometimes iz thru feelings... but today it'll be a scar... one tt will be there for somethime? u know wad i'll hold on to u no matter wad... i'm silly and crazy just dun push me too hard...
then worse iz i suggest tt ok i giv him sat to improve himself.. then when i keep asking will we be meeting on sat he kept giving me indefinite ans like... we see how things go... see tml when i wake up... HE TOTTALY forget wad i said...wadever lah.. he always forget wad i say.... so do i mean anything to him? or just plain bad mamory... i had a very bad memory too... but i dun seem to dunnoe this and tt.. or maybe my brain iz to rem such thingiess ah.....
SUX>..wad 18th bday... wadever shit... i swear i wun want to celebrate my 19th bday unless there's better programme... act bday mean nth to me... but iz coz of u iz makes me make it impt... then iz an excuse to spend time with u...
now everything iz RUINED>.. my heart hurts.... i'm gonna rest le................ GOOD BYE HUIPING*
everlasting? kissed /
- Friday, May 20, 2005
