(
where am i heading to?-----------------------------DEATH)
Thursday, June 30, 2005
today iz end of the mth and againn we r unhappy with each other again... for wad! for the short skirt i wore today? so much for waiting someone and yet then iz like he gave me tt kind of look... and we hardly tok more than 20 sentences today when he sent me home...
so now i shall chunk and isolate the skirt to one corner so i will never wear it... will u be happier... u say things din go the way u want these few days? wad are they? hav ya shared with me? wad am i for? wad do u act wan? cing mel these few days i felt sad... she's not so happy and so happy at times... she started to smoke a lot... hmmmm as in eversince she open up to us then she started to smoke more... as i dun mind my friend smoke but i will still mean well for her... and she's like been crying for nights so... hmmmm pple dun do things tt make u regret!!!!! but time will somehow make things better and with friends ard her life will get better but u gotts be strong... w/o r/s we shall can survive... though u lost someone u love...
maybe somehow we shouldn't meet so often... hmmm... dunnoe wad's with him and wad's with me? since ystd? maybe iz like there's smthing which i dunnoe iz bothering him... i shant be anyone's burden... and i shall hmmm just wait i guess... there's like so many ques marks?
i felt so tired now... i dun feel kinda well... tml iz our proj presentation so i shall pray for my grp... ytsd lesson plan was a failure i guess? hmmm but i think it will be improved .... as in the next lesson... hmmmm
IS there any prob ya facing now which i dun noe? Do u still love me as much as u do as before?
CURSE ME*
everlasting? kissed /
- Thursday, June 30, 2005
(
iz another day...)
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
hmmm today i woke up and realised tt iz 830!!!! and i'm goin to be late for sch... this time i was just half an hour late...hehe... so scary every tues late... die lah... hmmm today the alarm din rang and i was woke up by the continuous hse phone ring!!!! hehe*
reached there cope tons of notes...then iz like lunch time... then iz fm...then iz aw... just one hour break today... then aw we get to watch NEMO... the other time was MATILDA...cool ah! hehe but this time the assignment got to write like 1500 words...sian... hmmmm then iz like DLE... boring sub...she went thru proj thingy then proceed to grp work then presentation...today the three hours lesson pass fast...weee***
then was like off ard 530... then i called alex twice... i tot he was bathing or wad... then i msg him ask where iz he? why din pick up phone?... thn he msg me tt.. he's slping why lehz?...i my heart i was like come on... u ask me to call u... then i msg him tt he ask me to call him when i end... and then i say me tired wanna go home le... then he was like... I take a nap gt wrong mehz?its not even 6? i tot u fin at 6? then u say u wanna go home rest wat!?! - i see this i damn pisst off lor... i was like wad the hell.. u study np for how many yrs... so long got lecturer always let u off on time? argh*then i din wanna quarrel anymore i just say OK SORRY!
then after tt i went home with dri... he n adrew so lovey dovey on the bus... hmmmm then remind me of how sadly she cried in sch the other day... bless her K... hmmm hugz... u got us as support and somethings are beyond ya control... but u must live best of ya life...
then hmmm was like HUNGRY!!!1 nth to eat at home then i ate junks again...argh* sad... then hmmm reach home he msged and said sorry coz he kenna kp by the father or smthing.. hmmm act i was a bit angry then... i was like wad's wrong with u... u not happy dun vent on me ma... i was just like calling u... thenu wan i will go find u...sad ahz... hmmm then was like after understanding i felt tt.. hmmm why din u tell me earlier then i wont be angry ma? hmmm....
tml shall be my frist art and craft lesson plan... hmmm i shall pray hard man.. me nervous..haha... then got to go back sch to pia... my proj which is suppose to hand up on fri... hmmmm...
alex... hmmm HUGZ* hmmm busy busy busy but i wanna spend more time with him.. sian next mon i got two tests sux...hmmm and mel hope stuff go well for her.. and we all care for u k
everlasting? kissed /
- Tuesday, June 28, 2005
(
I WANT energy!)
Sunday, June 26, 2005
poor alex he's sick.... hmmm down with some illness...hope he will get well soon... sat.. OMG... the ghost shw kind of scary... anyway tml i won't be going for my make up lesson...weee..so lesson iz on 11 and next week soon i got to hand in my assignments and then i go to fin my projects and stuff... sux...
on sat i went out with lovely mel to ge our art materials... which make me so broke now... sad sia...i was so amazed by the stuff spot light and bra basah comple have... cool* btw me and alex iz fine now... hmmmm now i told myself i shant be tt sensitive anymore... and just let him be him... but also not letting him climbing over me lah...n bully me...
hmmm today walk too much le... now leg pain can feel muscle forming... whole day i see yuan hao i wanna laugh.. he looked so much like chong.. and then i think the boss like dun like him like see him do stuff like not happy like tt... today got this bunch of cute japs... kept making fun of my name... argh*... i'm so tired now... i gto so many things to tok ... i ate like one potato chips and chipsamore cookies... and lots of junks... argh.... till pay day iz like one more week...
next mth i must work more... argh* i'm so shagz i wonder how am i able to cope with sch stuff...sian....
everlasting? kissed /
- Sunday, June 26, 2005
(
in my dreams i dreamt...i life i dared)
Saturday, June 25, 2005
silence? no tots? full of tots? wadever it is iz not good to read blogs early in the morning... hmmm just feeling bored so...ya... and there's doraemon in ch8...hmmmm waiting for time to pass then meet mel to buy my art and craft lesson thingys....
hmmmm got mixed feelings now.... dunnoe how to say... somehow i think i brot like unhappiness to him... i'm petty sensitve and all kinds of shit tt i'll give to my bf... so the best thingy iz i'm single and alone then i won't go ard hurting pple...
wadever it is... i just want to be happy now... and i shant care about anything.. and just lead my life to the fullest...if everyguys want me to view the guys perspective... hmmmm then i'll have nth to say... pple's right and they wont say they're wrong... so i shant debate anymore...
i'm totally drenched out of energy these few days to think tt much... little things agitated me... work iz very tedious for me... hmmmm... sian.... today sam not working.. and i felt packed everyday with lots of things to do... projects and works.. and prev reching home got to set up com and let dad and mom conference... but in the end mum fell aslp... and i'm no longer showing concern to my family... everyday wad i did was go home slp wake up ... toking loudly to mum as she's always so irriating!!!!argh*
iz seems tt as i grew older i am more unhappier with life... so now... hmmmmm i felt only the fullest when i am with the kids... haha to pam... NUN will be best for kids and they totally devote the time to them... i'm losing my patiance easily these few days so i asked for friends to forgive...
the difference btw guys and gers iz tt they will nv understand each other... curious* tt why in the end they will be tog...i'm still in my slping mode... so lazy to get up today..... i dun noe wad i'm feeling now... but i need a great breakfast.... SUX*
everlasting? kissed /
- Saturday, June 25, 2005
(
my way? my life?hurts and hurts)
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
hmmm mum irritated me then... hmmm she was saying tt am i able to cope if i work... i my heart i felt if i dun work... hmmmm will i be given money? how the hell am i suppose to get a new phone... hmmm... i'm totally irritated...next mth i'll work even more... more more... at least i guesss... i've not planned yet....
thinking back hmmmmm nearly forgot wad happen these few days....just tt... hmmm monday i skipped on lesson... which next mon i am able to make up... then tues i OVERSLEPT... i'm damn shagged recently... hmmmmm... then i was kind of... i dunnoe wad to say lah... to say or not to say... i decided to kept it in my heart and threw it away... hope one day i wont burst but i guess the tot of it make me wanna burst... i miss my sec friends... i miss chong and sam and xueting.... hmmmm...
omg the superstar thingy iz like kinda dumb.... sob* ok... hmmm today went to the childcare the kids "touched" me...their voices are like angels... truely...haha... hmmm they were singing HEY JESUS LOVE ME.... it goes like nananananannana.... all the kids...there're angelic...weeee...then was music and movement... after tt...they were like THE BOYS... all pound over to hug me... the feeling iz like...; i wanna cry now.... WARMTH.... next week i got to teach them art le... scared... i've not yet got my materials yet.... i just love the children lots.... ben ben the notorious and sweet child...samuel my barney lovey... joel the little innocent kid...bryan the temper boy...trevo the quiet one...josiah the intelligent one.. issac the naughty boy...joy the new ger... elena the talkative one... and many many more.... haiz... i look forward to everyweek visit... and iz like nv enuf....
everlasting? kissed /
- Wednesday, June 22, 2005
(
waiting and i'm waiting...)
Thursday, June 16, 2005
hmmm waiting for lex to reply me now... hmmm think it'll be any time frm now? hmmm... read his blog...hmmm he sounded sad... and i think iz all bout me... hmmm he did nothing wrong but i guess iz tt i'm just far way too sensitive in wadever thing he saqys about me... coz i always wanted someone to accept me as whu i am and not to pin point this and tt... and blah blah blah of all the bad exp...i think i need to build up lots of self confi in myself...
hmmm he said i seemed to miss something in me... and i guess i do ba... i lost the me... whom i am now looking for... but why????? where???? when????? will i ever find ME back... hmmm i teared again... hmmmm sad sad.... why.... coz of the words.. coz of everything ard me... coz.... of nothing....
i have not been a good fren... a goood daughter... a good GF... a good everything...maybe i'm too exhausted nowadays... down with work and work... hmmm.... shan't tok much now... i just want everything to be well for me... and will alex leave me coz of tt..???will he then get sick of all these crap tt i'm giving to him? he said he wun give up on me!!!!! wad will happen to me tml????
hmmm love alex...hugz*
everlasting? kissed /
- Thursday, June 16, 2005
(
i am in this stat which i felt nth... nth and nth and i'm scared)
these two days i've not been feeling like myself... i wondered wad wil happen if like this world iz like w/o me...will it makes a diff? when will i get pple whu really understands me? when i dun even understand myself? life seems stress and not stress...? and when when will it be the time when i have someone whu truely and really accept whu i am... i am tired of pacifying pple... whu will then appreciate me when everything becomes when u are mr nice guy and pple are climbing on u and yet now i am complaining...just a song or an image it will evoke thousands of tots in me... baby pull me out of the pit* if ya the one i'll be saved! i'll wait and i am still waiting and holding on to it... but i'm tired... real tired and drenched with pains... and tears...
think i'm getting to stress and tired recently le...anyway toking about my childcare cheers me up... act tml supposed to meet gillian but i think i need some time to rest...so i hoppe to change a time but dun think she get my msg...haiz... then ya lor... gotta work during weekends and then fri... hmmm i was crazy today... toking about BEN BEN JOEL SAMUEL...weeee.......they are my top favs... hehe and i got these two boys WET on their bed today and then wet my pants a bit too... hmmm today was a great day which everytime i worte long long entry on my book... i want to rem every moments i spent with them,... but when dri was there she kept stealing ben and joel... she's bias lor she only very ten joel...haha... hmmmm........ great memories and trinity iz like my =third home... hmmmmmmmmmm
zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
everlasting? kissed /
- Thursday, June 16, 2005
(
wad am i feeling NOW!!!!)
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
after one boring day in sch was like hmmmm sitting in front of the tv with my com and PLAYING lifehse songs and writing details in my journal entry... how i wish i have lots of energy for now and tml... hmmmm i need the energy... i'm felt down after a bath... thinking on many things tt had been happening recently...and comparing to the plain life i had years ago and compared to now... the pple are scary!!!!!!!
hmmm dunnoe lah... maybe i just can't accept the fact and i dun really feel good deep inside me... iz just the ME tt causing to dun feel good and happy about myself... i felt sad... and kinda stress on how am i able to cope with my work and my love life... hmmm ystd was great.. hmmmm now i guess my bank a/c iz nearing RED zone...haha* hmmmmmmmmmmmm
just can't get myself to love myself a little bit more... i dunnoe wad's wrong with me...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
everlasting? kissed /
- Tuesday, June 14, 2005
(
C H O N G)
Monday, June 13, 2005
this entry iz dedicated to my greatest pal... i know tt when i'm not ard or hurt i can always find him... and i'll alwayss rem tt he told me tt he's the best... and he is... so gers come and get him k...
first i tok a bout the day first...hmmm lesson at 11 then hmmm fm was kinda tough for me today and then two hours break we had discussion and then hmmm dle was boring..i was msging baby...then ya... tot can meet him and see him for one glance but hehe he went home fast fast....ohhooo*
then i went to hereen to meet chong... i took the worng bus 154 then changed to take 171 to town... then haha when i reached i was like hmmm i'm early then i went up the escalator to storey two...haha chong called me and he HUNG my phone...argh* then dunnoe why i turn ard and saw him just walking to the escalator...haha ...he's wearing billabong...hmmm GREAT IMPROVEMENT...haha from hmmm i rem orange diesel top to billabong was like great change and new nike dunks...and jeans...haha make him long...haha... next we went walking ard... then thinkning of wad to eat then we decided to go CINE...haha... craving for sushi!!! tt's me... then we were choosing either suki or act sake but in the end we went to the one bside the neon print thingy...then can try ma... coz i din eat before...weeee......then both of us each paid like 20 odds...hehe but i paid like 20 only... evil*...iz a small treat frm him... then he gave me these papers...which all the while i use it to hit him... but then now then i realised tt...hmmmm he meant by iz a lot of values...hmmmm iz all photo copied paper...which iz like straits times on 19th MAY 1987...haha... kinda touched now... but he said this is PART 1 of the gift still got PART 2 yet to TELL me... hmmmm... CURIOUS*
hmmm took some pics using dar's cam... hmmmm iz so great meeting him up/...the whole time every min i'm like laughing...haha... and iz non stop...then when we changed palce...to eat the ice cream then ....iz like haha we looked at the pple walking by then haha laughed at them...it's evil but hmmm... then ya.... think tt's life lah... my choc and vani ice cream tastes good... but not for his matcha... grape...rum and raisin...and choc...hahah... mine looks excellent...haha... then hmmmm we went home ard like 9 plus... sitting there for like 2 hours odds... hmmm was kinda like not enuf...then i was like tricking him to bring me go chong...haha... hehe... but hmmmm... he din say ok... anyway... hmmm felt so close with him like my bro ba... then ya... had great fun laughing out loud....weeee.... of course miss baby too... AND this bad guy say i got big hips...hmmm and hahah he act wanted to get this ger's no...weeee....
haha if i get this good gift frm u i shall not forget yas too...haha... then iz like he kept saying we shall meet three years times... i'm so sad...hmmmm yeah.... chong...ya my best best best best PAL.... weeeeee.........love ya my friend.... and love sam and mel and pam and man...and dar lots lots lots....
hope soon i can really be happy of whu i am... if not wadever wad pple say i'll get affected easily which is like no good...hmmmm sad... pray pray....tok to xiao ma online...so great iz like great frens will always be...though we so far apart...no time to meet the memories and everything they gave me iz yet so strong...weee..and we never forget each other....love ya guys,....
i just hope and really hope pple can accept as whu i am... physically and mentally and everything... if not just stay out of my life k... hugs...
everlasting? kissed /
- Monday, June 13, 2005
(
another better day!!!!)
Sunday, June 12, 2005
tsd i was so unwillingly to work tt i cried on the stupid bus which made him tot tt i'm crying coz he did something wrong...hmmmm act no lah...haha just find tt we always like dunnoe wad to do so coz me to be a bit sian... hmmmm...ya...at the same time ytsd went to spotlight saw so many cool things which i can get for my art and craft lesson think monday i'll be going back there... guess wad...MONDAY i'm meeting chong for dinner... wonder wad i shld eat..hmmmm think gotta spend abit more coz haha bo bian...oh ya i bot barney VCD instead of cds....stupid me.... so dump...argh*
hmmmm ystd went to dar hse for curry and then watch tv le then we went off to ps... hmmm think tt's about all ba...act wanted to go sch lib but in the end i dunnoe why i ended up in the rm changing for like one hour...haha ...
NOW i'm contactable...hehe i had dar's phone...hmmmm so nice of him to lent me his phone...i wonder how long i need to save to buy a new phone...damn it man... i hope my mum won money or something...or i get another 400 in my a/c again...hehe.... hmmmm look forward to wed...and SCH****
everlasting? kissed /
- Sunday, June 12, 2005
(
"no matter wad happen i'll be there for u"QUOTED)
Friday, June 10, 2005
finish with one chapter of INfant and toddler..and my FM long ago but i think sure got lotsa mistakes and then fin looking thru the math book i borrowed...and tml morning i'll be going down to get more ideas in the sch lib...hmmm then SCV, CD2.1 notes, DLE notes, AW all not done yet...shitz...haha how am i supposed to fin all...damn...hmmmm sux... i have to work tho... hmmm but im working the night shift tml...hmmm in the afternoon i'll be having some curry at dar's hse...coz hahah invited by him so... since i dun mind going then go!!
hmmm i miss him so badly like an hour when he's not ard.. haha monday i'm meetin chong...my best bud ever...weeee we got lotsa to catch up on...sch...life...love...haha r/s...everything under the sun gonna be our topic... hmmm sometimes i think i can't prais edar too much...hmmm will turn bad... so next time i shall keep it a secret...hmmmm... then ya we shall see how things go these few days ba.... i'm so shagz from sch and everything...
hope baby will get well soon and SAMUEL... ya made an impact in my life...weeeee* hugs to the kids in trinity...
everlasting? kissed /
- Friday, June 10, 2005
(
birthday cake!!!!! cum small small jealousy!!!!wahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahaha)
haiz... hmm today iz my mum birthday and now dar iz bbeside me in the room...he's hitting me with the hp strap... IRRITATING*... let him be he shall be ignored....so childish!!!!!!!!!
he makes me small small jealous!!!!!!! haha not to be mentioned why? but hmmm just think tt today got a bit of miscommunication and then disappointing mum made me sad for the past few hours... and then ya lor... the gers having fun and i'm like down there watching tv...staying in the room and doing nth... and most of the time staring blankly...and then got tots tt tml dun feel like working...coz i'm mentally tired le... hmmmmm....... oh ya and then baby bot a cake here and hehe things got better... and somehow my mood gets better... but he seems sick and kinda sian and tired... MUACKS everything will be fine.... to be continued...
everlasting? kissed /
- Friday, June 10, 2005
(
happy 49th birthday!!!!!)
Thursday, June 09, 2005
wahahah in hours time will be my MUM's birthday... haha and i'm going to buy her a cake...hehe... now i got three lesson plan to write...haha... so i gonna loss my sleep again...hmmm i haven been havin a good sleep since sch opens...sian...
haha now mum she's talking to me about her job interview...can't believe it she came for interview in BLK 18 which is MY canteen 2...hahah OMG... but just an interview lah... imagine i see her everyday...haha COOL* if pple bullies her THEY DIE!!!!! weeee... i can't wait to help her celebrate tml...hmmmm just wanna celebrate for her coz dad not ard ma...then iz like kinda more sad... hmmm if iz me... i'll hope my husband will fly back though lao fu lao qi le... i felt my life getting meaningful !!!!with the kids at AGAPELAND childcare...iz a great exp for me... haha...
ystd was my first day to my childcare...iz like so fun and happy there... argh* my sis iz so irritating...argh* sux... ok back to happy topic...i went there kinda early but with a hungry stomach...then i got myself two buns and i ate one... the feeling there was good...i tried to tok to SAMUEL... he's so cute but he's shy and i can hardly figure out wad's he toking about...then ya lor like tt...haha then after tt i tried to tok to him...then yeah....ok le lor... he's so cute...he's the guy whu caught my eye... sweet* his smile and everything shines my life...so wonderful.. then was JEREMY...he stared at me... shock in my life...i met such challenging child... i'm still learning and trying to know them more...and here i can truly read a story book to the kids...i love them... hmmm...then after tt in the afternoon dri came and we tok and tok... iz like back to the old days... just like the other day me and her tok... hehe..now every wed iz our meeting day... i think i've decided to only work everyweekeds or maybe sometimes when i free and when i feel like it...weeee
plus...baby iz like hmmm better!!!! i guess???haha as in like he's sweeter...haha meeting my expectations le ba... weee...maybe coz this week din work much so i can spend time with him... but iz like so tiring after sch each day...weeeee.......then today he pointed middle finger at a bunch of pple whu were making so much noise...hmmmm ya* then iz sweetie time...we listened to a song which i sent to him like not yet one year ago...haha then iz like hmmmm weird feelings down me... when listening then when he whispered to me " WO AI NI" was like so SWEET! sense of sweetness rolled down me...haha
felt so blessed todday and now i'm gathering ideas for my lesson plan...and my sis sux...argh* HAPPI BDAY AGAIN MUM
everlasting? kissed /
- Thursday, June 09, 2005
(
another day passed)
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
hmmm today spent half a day with alex... hmmm watched a movie and had some junks in the cinema.. and then ya stress from sch and work... seems to have no time to do my stuff... sad...
everlasting? kissed /
- Tuesday, June 07, 2005
(
I lost my phone!!!! argh*)
Monday, June 06, 2005
haiz i'm just too careless for leaving the phone in the toliet... sux man... hmmm shld have left everything with alex ah... hmmm i was so slow to realise tt the phone was gone... maybe iz not meant to be mine.. hmmm just fin fm tutorial hopefully i can get all right ah... hehe... tml meeting HIM to get my sim card then might be catching a movie... hmmmm... yeah**** weeeee....
then hmmmm just wanna hug lex hard everytime... iz like hmmm so great to have him... gotta do my stuff le... hey i miss sam... and i miss my workmates and jiewei... where r all of u... i lost all ya contacts le... CURSED the ONE whu took the phone and off it....ass*
everlasting? kissed /
- Monday, June 06, 2005
(
we shall start a NEW*)
Friday, June 03, 2005
hmmmm today in the afternoon sat in the atrium... hmmm was msging alex... then i was like hmmm let's start a new...surprisingly... hmmm dunnoe why too... hmmm maybe for wad had happen the day before which is like... i happen to be called "auntie" by my bf... hmmm iz just so happen tt hmmm all my friends were complimenting me... but my bf on the other was so negative... then after we part... i cannot stand but i cried in the LT... hhmmm just the normal emo me... hmmm then mel they all relate me to the eyebrow thingy which happen like mths ago when me and alex got tog...iz so sad... i can't accept pple whu dun accept me as whu i am... hmmm then iz like there's this saying tt... everyone in the whole world can say ya ugly...depise on u... but never ya bf... maybe guys are frank and they just say how they feel... but iz surprisingly that some are not like the majority ba or even the minor... maybe iz wad i've been thru recently which made me bit hmmm realise wad i really wants ba...
then hmmm guess he was happy to hear from me too.. last nite he said sorry but i was like nth le ba.. coz work makes me go crazy and i was hmmmm i forget wad happen le... BUSY... then ystd was Kwan Zheng last day... haha then he got our no. and we were to be back to makan buffet tog... hmmm then last nite was horrible... took arthur hse still have to take out money for him and then go all the way to newton to get food for his wife...he's so nice lor....but he made me wait in the car... then i was damn bored then i ate kinder bruno...haha then went home sleep...
this morning had cd...kind of cool and interesting tutorial we had... and then the next three hours we played games like twister...cool*** then went to work took bus with pam... then waited her bus to town then i went to coronation plaza and then i sat there ALONE and ate hmmm fish burger then paced a fries cum... drank 1/4 of bbt..and packed chicken wings and chocs for XT... hmmm then hmmm today got stupid customers...and cute ones... hehe two old man...and then one lady sat at counter whereby one of my colleague accientally spilled the sauce on the lady and then she demand a compensation of 300 bucks for her branded bag...of course my friend cried and she caused a commotion BITCH**** then ya lah things settled ...my boss say she will sent the thing to washed" haha then gave the lady a paper to keep her stuff..cursed her ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sleepy le...
wad i noe iz...hmmmm i love alex LOTS....and u noe wad i wanna say to him... though we are not perfect but the prob iz we love each other a lot...so stop qi ing me... and ten me more with ya actions and ya words and not to drain me in tears everyday........ MUACK...
everlasting? kissed /
- Friday, June 03, 2005
